Cecilia’s Story: Unwanted

Being a Christian for 36 years, I often pushed the blame of who and how I am today to the fact that I was born unplanned and I was scheduled to be given away to another family – which caused my rejection and inferiority complexes. But when I know that it is not circumstances or events that happens to me that impact who or how I am but what I tell myself of how I feel of the circumstances, it sets me free. I was reminded of the John 1:12-13 (I am loved by God and I am a child of God not born of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband’s will, but born of God) which God spoke to me when I was 11 years old. With this truth beaming into my face once again during this course I know that I am the daughter of God and God accepts me unconditionally.

Knowing my identity, the truth of God and repeatedly telling myself (self-talk therapy) changed my attitude. I am more confident to come before Him and totally assured that He is a good Father and He will speak to me and I will hear from Him. (Jer 29:12-14).

“Identity is largely shaped by our thoughts, and the power of thoughts are supercharged by emotion. It is not the occasional and random thoughts that shape us; it is the repeated, habitual thoughts. Attitudes can be defined as habits of thoughts.” I must therefore guard my heart with all diligence (Pro 4:23).

Journaling also helps me to quietened down myself, be in the still mode of being aware of the presence of God, communicating with God and ready to receive from God, hearing from the Holy Spirit. With these practices, I am now more aware of God’s presence and His voice. Even after the course, whenever I quietened myself and turn to God, I can hear God speaking to me, anointing me and giving me inspiration – it happened while I was driving or when I was in my shower. God is Omnipresent and the Holy Spirit yearns for us as written in James 4:5(TPT) “The Spirit that God breathed into our hearts is a jealous Lover who intensely desires to have more and more of us”?.

Isaiah 61:1-3 stood out to me and impacted my thoughts. I was able to pray with more faith. While driving myself home after class, I prayed in the Spirit for my emotionally wounded friend, bind her broken heart, proclaiming the freedom over her and releasing the darkness in her. That night, she did not lash nor make unreasonable demands. The Unit5 on emotional wounds helped to have better understanding of an emotionally wounded person and healed me of my hurts (received from the emotionally wounded friend).

I am greatly blessed by this course. During the 2 weeks of the course, I have heard God spoke to me so much more than before. I was able to hear God daily even over very simple things. Indeed, God’s ways are easy and light (Matt 11:30). He is gentle and humble and I need to learn to come to Him. I will also remember to stay humble, stay hungry and stay thirsty!!

Thank you, Lord, and thank you for sending Dr Cherlene as your vessel to teach us.

Shalom,

Cecilia