Betsy’s Story: Overcoming Misbelief as a homemaker

After becoming a homemaker with three children, I found myself struggling with negative self-talk and misbeliefs, leading to a sense of hopelessness. Cultural expectations required me to take full responsibility for caring for the children and refrain from seeking my husband's help, even during moments of exhaustion. At the same time, my husband was managing his parents' and sibling's medical needs alongside work, leaving me to handle all household responsibilities alone. While I cherished teaching my children, guiding them in devotions, and leading them to Christ, the weight of these challenges and the misbeliefs I internalized eventually led me into depression.

My misbeliefs included: 

 (a) My husband is never free to help me and the children.

(b) I do not deserve to ask my husband for help because I am not working and should be freer to handle household chores.

(c) It is never okay to ask my husband to help with the children when I am tired.

(d) I am wasting my life looking after my three children, and it would be easier if I went out to work instead of staying home mum.

Reflecting on all these thoughts, and using the wisdom I have now, I see the importance of daily reading His Word and having devotion time to draw from His love, strength, and wisdom. I have learned not to allow myself to be influenced by the opinions of others, even those close to me. I only need to listen to Him.

I must rethink what people say about me and my family. I do not have to accept their opinions. I realized that it does not matter how unfairly, unjustly, or thoughtlessly anyone has behaved toward us. I was offended because of my self-talk and misbeliefs. I recognized that my expectations of myself—desiring to work even while looking after my three children—were unrealistic.

Upon reflection, I recognized that my anger issues stemmed from misbeliefs, particularly the notion that, as a Christian, I shouldn’t feel or express anger. While I appeared calm outwardly, I often harbored resentment internally. Growing up, I observed my mother silently express her anger through loud chores and the silent treatment, which my father ignored. Over time, I unknowingly adopted this pattern in my marriage, suppressing my feelings and assuming my husband, like my father, wouldn’t care.

Cultural expectations and advice from my mother and mother-in-law reinforced this mindset, suggesting I shouldn’t bother my husband, who was busy providing for the family, and that as a homemaker, I was solely responsible for all household duties. This self-talk left me feeling unhappy and inadequate, struggling with unspoken frustrations and a sense of imbalance in my marriage.

One day, I finally opened up to my husband, and I was relieved to learn that he didn’t hold the traditional expectations I had assumed. I realized that our marriage vows didn’t require me to manage all the household chores and childcare alone. I also saw that I didn’t need to live up to others' expectations or adhere to the outdated traditions of our parents. My frustration stemmed from trying to follow their advice, which only left me angry and overwhelmed.

Coming to the Lord in repentance, I found freedom from the misbeliefs and negative self-talk that had weighed me down. I now confront such thoughts with truth: I am deeply loved by God, my husband is willing to help me when I need support, and it’s okay to ask for his help, especially when I feel unwell or overwhelmed. I’ve embraced my role as a homemaker as a high calling from God, knowing it’s not a waste of time but a valuable investment in my family.

Parenting has its challenges, but it is also rewarding. After 13 years at home, I am grateful to see my children thriving academically and developing hearts to serve God. I continue to pray for them, trusting they will grow to love Him and follow His purpose for their lives.

I now strive to identify and address feelings of anger quickly. When I experience sinful anger, I confess it to God and seek His guidance to uncover underlying misbeliefs. Trusting in John 16:13, I rely on the Holy Spirit to guide me into truth. Through prayer, I often find that God helps remove anger from my heart, allowing me to think, speak, and act for His glory, free from unnecessary misbeliefs and self-talk.

When my husband or children express anger, I’ve learned not to view it as catastrophic. Instead of reacting or remaining silent to avoid confrontation, I pray for wisdom to respond effectively. I understand that their emotions are their responsibility, not mine. With my eight-year-old, I don’t reward angry outbursts but listen attentively, respond calmly, and remain loving.

I also handle family accusations differently now. Instead of ignoring them, I evaluate their validity. If I’m at fault, I apologize, acknowledging that I’m not always right. Some critiques relate to my tone or attentiveness, and I’m learning to allow others to express their frustrations without internalizing every angry word. While I recognize I’m not perfect, I also understand that not all anger directed at me is justified, and I refuse to carry unnecessary guilt.

In summary, my journey has been shaped by struggles with misbeliefs, worries, and periods of depression. The lessons from Biblical Truth Therapy (BTT) have been transformative, teaching me to listen to God, apply the four keys to hearing His voice, discern my thoughts, renew my mind, and speak biblical truth. These practices are helping me rethink my perspective, strengthen my identity in Christ, and overcome obstacles to fulfill my God-given purpose.

Through BTT, I am actively replacing negative thought patterns with scriptural affirmations, renewing my mind, and aligning my life with God’s truth. This ongoing process requires daily adjustments, but it draws me closer to Him and allows me to glorify Him in every aspect of my life.
Thank you once again to Dr. Cherlene for her wisdom and teaching which has helped me to overcome my misbelief not knowingly that I have been practicing these negative thgouths for years and now I am have the tools to reminds me to revert any misbelief.