Elisha’s Story: Rejected from Birth

For the longest time, I believed that I had forgiven all the people who have hurt me, from my birth mother and biological father to my adopted mother, her son, and those who chose to believe the lies my mother told them about me, my husband, and my children.

After attending this course, I took a good, long, hard look at myself. I asked myself, 'Have I really forgiven them?' As I went into my closet and asked the Holy Spirit to cleanse my heart and renew a new spirit within me, He began showing me that although I had said I had forgiven those who hurt me, I actually had not, especially my birth mother and father, because there was a Spirit of Rejection in me.

I always felt that I was not good enough because I had been looked down upon by my adopted mother and her second son. I was constantly told that my birth mother was a 'whore,' and that I was just like her. Every mistake I made, I was called names like 'whore' and other very demeaning names. This happened for about 11 years, from the age of 15 to 26 years old. It took a toll on my self-esteem. I never felt valued. My self-worth was associated with what people thought of me. Although my husband and my children told me that I was smart, I never truly believed them because these beliefs were deeply rooted in me. I never believed that anyone could love someone like me. I believed the lies of the enemy. I had to renew my mind and renounce all the lies of the enemy

I have lived with the Spirit of Rejection for over 40 years. I have undergone deliverance and have been prayed over by many people, yet it wasn't until I met Dr. Cherlene and attended this class that I realized I had been partially delivered, but there was still more present. In many ways, it seemed to have transformed into other manifestations.

I became a bitter person because I never felt I amounted to anything. I craved acceptance and validation, to the extent that I would go to great lengths to be liked. If a tough decision I made at work caused someone to dislike me, it would eat away at me. I would try to rectify the situation by buying them gifts or food, or by speaking to them. As the head of Human Resources, this behavior was unbecoming of me. It meant condoning bad behavior.

The same pattern emerged with my children. I unintentionally raised them to be very independent because I never wanted them to be weak like me. I found it difficult to show them affection and love, fearing deep down that they would leave me. I even thought it would be less painful for me to keep my distance from them now, so that when they eventually marry and leave, it wouldn't hurt as much. Additionally, if they didn't accept me, I believed it wouldn't hurt as deeply.

What I didn't realize was that I was missing out on precious moments with my children. Every time I looked at them, I feared I might have failed them. Whenever they faced difficulties, I questioned my role in it, blaming myself for their sadness or pain.

As my children grew, my eldest son, now 25, noticed and would stand up for me when my adopted mother scolded me and called me names. He would reprimand her and then scold me for not defending myself. I would brush it off, saying things like, 'It's okay, she's my mother,' but it hurt deeply, and I would cry afterward. I often asked her why she wanted to hurt me and my son.

As we delved into the topic of unforgiveness, I realized my adopted mother harbored unforgiveness toward her eldest son. On more than one occasion, she cursed him, saying things like, 'Even if you die, I won't bring your body back home.' Approximately six months after uttering these words, he tragically passed away in an accident in 1988, four years after my adopted father, who adored me, passed away.

My eldest son bears a striking resemblance to my deceased adopted brother, with whom I was very close. As my mother aged and suffered from dementia, she began mistaking my son for her late son, spending hours reminiscing with him about people and places only they knew. My son played along. I realized she never had the chance to ask for forgiveness before he passed away at 28. To add to the complexity, his fiancée confronted my mother, reminding her of the curses she had uttered. I believe this weighed heavily on her until her passing in 2016. She apologized to my son, mistaking him for her own, shortly before she died, twenty-eight years after the incident.

It all started to make sense when we studied the Spirit of Rebellion, Unforgiveness, and Rejection. My mother carried the Spirit of Unforgiveness in her heart but found it difficult to admit and ask for help due to pride. Consequently, she became a very hurtful person, and as I was closest to her, I became the victim. To prevent repeating the cycle, as soon as we studied the topic of overcoming misbeliefs, I completed the Truth Survey and had my children do the same. We all received similar results, showing high levels of perfectionism. Recognizing the need for change, we began renouncing all the spirits God brought to our attention and started declaring the blood of Jesus and our identity in Christ over us.

I had to literally forgive my deceased mother and also my biological mother for the Spirit of Rejection. I felt a sense of loneliness—where do I belong? Whom do I belong to? It was then that I felt the Lord ask me, 'Am I not enough for you? You belong to me!' I realized that He is more than enough for me. Every morning, I make it a conscious habit to affirm myself in Jesus—I affirm that I am the righteousness of God through Christ Jesus. I put on the full Armor of God, knowing that He has got me. I live in the palms of His hands, and there is no better place to be in.

I am getting my kids to do the same. Since then, I am feeling a sense of relief and breakthrough. I feel that the Holy Spirit has given me liberty, and I am able to hold my head up high and say I am loved. If I don’t believe it, I look at Joshua 1:5, Psalms 139:13-14, and Jeremiah 1:5. He knew me even before He knitted me in my mother’s womb. If that be the case, then I was not an accident—I was wanted by God. I have a purpose for my life. God loves me. He sent His son to die for me and give me eternal life. Who could be loved like that? When I have this love, why would I crave any other kind of love?

He gave me a wonderful husband who loves me and stood by me for years, loved me despite my flaws. I am starting to see how I do not need to be validated by man. I only need the acceptance of God. He is my all in all. Once I get to this place, I know that I will not need to please anyone. I should still have a servant attitude—meaning to want to serve others but not to be bullied and stepped on. I need to learn not to idolize my children or my husband. I need to love them, be there for them, encourage them, and pray for them especially.

Since I started these course, I have forged a better relationship with my daughter. The both of us have always been at loggerheads, but I have learnt to actively listen to her without feeling like I need to defend myself in every statement that she makes. I need to show empathy to her and listen to her when she speaks. In the words of Stephen Covey, 'The biggest Communication problem is we do not listen to understand. We listen to reply.’

Now, I actively listen and repeat back to ensure she knows I am engaged. I also ask open-ended questions to show my genuine interest in what she is saying. It has been an amazing journey. I have learned to pray for my children and trust God for His plan in all of their lives, as well as in the lives of my husband and me, and in our marriage. We live apart, functioning as weekend spouses because he works in Singapore and we have a child studying there with him. I also ensure that he knows I am there for him, but I give him space as well, so he doesn't feel smothered yet not neglected.

I hope that with the knowledge I have gained, I will be able to help others who have been enslaved by the devil in similar predicaments as I have been. To set the captives free and help them understand their identity in Christ Jesus, to know that God loves them regardless. He is a loving, compassionate Father who loves unconditionally. We just need to tap into His heart, spend time with Him, delve into His Word, and sit at His feet so He can speak to us and download onto us. We need to learn to rest in Him, as His Word says in Matthew 11:28-30: 'Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.'

This is a commandment—we need to leave our burdens at His feet and not pick them up again. It takes time and a relationship with Him. If we don't have a relationship with Him, we will never know that we can trust Him and find rest in Him. It takes trust to do this, and we need to learn how to do it every day.

God is good, and His mercies are new every morning. He is faithful and loving. Mourning may be here right now, BUT, in the morning, there will be joy, dancing, and celebration.

With this, I would like to thank Dr. Cherlene for her continuous support, encouragement, and knowledge transfer over the 5-week period, which has had such a significant impact on many lives.