"Why Should Divorce Be Avoided as the Final Solution in Marriage?"
June 20, 2023 | DR. CHERLENE ROBSON
Divorce should be avoided as the final solution in marriage because, according to the Bible, marriage is a sacred covenant established by God. In Malachi 2:16, God expresses His hatred for divorce, stating, "I hate divorce," says the Lord God of Israel,” because it breaks the bond of trust, love, and unity that He designed for a marriage relationship. Jesus also speaks on this in Matthew 19:4-6, where He says, “Haven’t you read… that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’?” This highlights that marriage is meant to be a lifelong union, reflecting God's intention for unity and harmony between a husband and wife.
The Bible encourages reconciliation and forgiveness in marriage. In Ephesians 4:2-3, Paul urges believers to "Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace." The goal of marriage is to mirror Christ's sacrificial love for the church, as Paul explains in Ephesians 5:25: "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her."
While the Bible allows for divorce in cases of marital unfaithfulness (Matthew 19:9) or abandonment (1 Corinthians 7:15), or even with physical or verbal abuse. It is clear that God’s desire is for couples to work through their challenges, seeking healing, reconciliation, and restoration. Divorce should not be seen as the first option but as a last resort after all efforts to restore the marriage have been made.
Another significant reason to avoid divorce is the lasting emotional and psychological impact it can have on both the individuals involved and their children. Divorce often leads to a range of mental health challenges, such as depression, anxiety, guilt, and feelings of failure. For one or both spouses, the end of a marriage can create a profound sense of loss and grief. Even when the separation is amicable, the transition can be emotionally taxing, leading to long-term struggles with self-worth and identity. These issues can affect one's ability to form healthy relationships in the future and can influence other aspects of life, such as work, social interactions, and spiritual well-being.
When children are involved, the consequences of divorce can be even more far-reaching. Studies have shown that children of divorced parents often experience emotional and behavioral problems, including difficulties with trust, relationship instability, and feelings of abandonment. They may struggle with the loss of the ideal family structure, feeling torn between both parents, and grappling with a sense of insecurity. The trauma of witnessing a marriage dissolve can leave lasting scars, and children may carry these emotional burdens into their own adult relationships.
Divorce can also lead to a lifetime of unresolved pain for both parties. While some individuals may feel a sense of relief initially, the effects of a broken marriage can echo for years. Memories of broken promises, unmet expectations, and unhealed wounds can haunt individuals, creating bitterness or a hardened heart. In addition, the process of dividing families, finances, and even mutual friendships can create ongoing tension and resentment.
Ultimately, the Bible teaches that marriage is designed to reflect the covenantal relationship between Christ and the church, which is meant to be permanent. In Ephesians 5:31-32, Paul writes, "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." The unity that God intended for marriage goes beyond the surface of daily living—it is a deep spiritual and emotional bond. Divorce disrupts that bond and brings about significant consequences for the individuals and families involved. Therefore, it is crucial to carefully consider the emotional, psychological, and spiritual impact before making the decision to end a marriage. Reconciliation, forgiveness, and seeking God's healing power can help avoid the painful effects of divorce and restore hope to those who are struggling in their marriages.
I often tell my clients, "No matter how challenging or difficult your relationship may seem, there is always hope in Christ Jesus, especially if both partners are willing to take responsibility and make positive changes for the sake of their own well-being and the well-being of their children." I've seen many couples who, despite facing hardships, choose to humble themselves, surrender their pride, and serve one another with a heart of sacrificial love. They understand that marriage isn't solely about personal fulfillment; it is a profound reflection of the love and commitment Christ demonstrated for the Church. By embracing selflessness and mutual sacrifice, they strive to honor the sacred covenant they made before God.
Marriage, in God's design, is not just about individual happiness but about mutual growth, support, and service. When both spouses are willing to lay down their own desires and focus on the well-being of their partner, God can work powerfully in their relationship, bringing restoration and healing. In Ephesians 5:25-28, Paul reminds husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the Church, with sacrificial love that seeks the best for the other person, even at personal cost. Similarly, wives are called to respect and honor their husbands, creating a space for both to grow in their commitment to one another and to God.
When we obey God's commands in marriage, trusting His wisdom, He will guide us through the difficult times and bring healing to the areas that need restoration. The Bible assures us in 1 Peter 5:10, “And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.” This promise can give hope to any marriage, no matter how broken or distant it may feel.
It is also important to recognize the generational impact of our choices. As parents, the way we handle our marriages teaches our children about love, commitment, and conflict resolution. When we make the decision to honor our marriage covenant, we are not only preserving our own relationship but also setting a powerful example for the next generation. Our children will grow up seeing the importance of commitment, resilience, and faith in God, which will guide them in their own relationships and future families.
By staying committed to God's design for marriage, even when it is difficult, we become a living testimony of His faithfulness. We can raise the next generation with purpose, hope, and a deep understanding of God's love and grace. Never give up hope—God is always at work even in dark times, and His plans for your family and future are filled with peace, restoration, and abundant blessings. As we trust and obey God's Word, He will strengthen and equip us for the journey ahead, impacting the next generations and allowing us to experience the fullness of His love and bring that love to our families for years to come.
Shalom, Peace in Jesus Christ,
Dr. Cherlene Robson
