Lena’s Story: Sexual Immorality Stronghold Broken

First of all, I feel ashamed and disappointed about the way I shared during the last session of this class. I was nervous and trembling, and I forgot what I wanted to share about. When I prayed and asked Jesus what was happening to me I suddenly had breakers of sin bondage appearing in my mind. All of the sins that I ever committed in my life were flashing past like advertisements. Everything resurfaced.

This happened despite me thinking that I was already free from that bondage. I’d already asked for forgiveness from God. However, I was not truly free. Now, once again I seek forgiveness in humility, as David did. I have committed many sins but now I feel totally, truly free. This time it is different. I am set free! I feel free! Thank you, Jesus!

My Story

I was not a virgin when I got married. I had done sexually immoral things with five people (two did not involve sexual intercourse). When I was just six years old, I was molested by my uncle. He hugged me, kissed me and lifted me on top of his body. I was silent and in shock. I did nothing to fight back. When I was eight years old, it happened again, in a different location. He hugged and kissed me. This time I fought back. I bit his hand and I ran. Because of these abuses, I feared him. I feared the sound of motorcycles. My friend joked and said I am not a virgin anymore. At the time I didn’t even know what a virgin is, or what is sex.

I am from a Christian family, and have been going to church since childhood. By around 14 years old I knrw and heard about sex and virginity. In church I heard them saying that there was to be no sex before marriage. I took careful note of it and promised myself that I would not do it. At age 18, I had my first kiss. I wanted to know what it was like and try it. I wanted to feel accepted, and wanted to be loved by my boyfriend. In my mind I still considered myself a virgin because this didn’t involve sex. At 23 years old, I was still very proud that I was a virgin. Many friends of mine by that age in college were not virgins. They shared with me their experiences of doing it for the first time. Around this time I had a boyfriend. He asked me to have sex, but I decided to leave him. I didn’t want to, but we had already kissed, touched private parts and had oral sex.

After we separated, I met new boyfriend. The same thing happened, but this time sex was involved. I can't recall exactly how it happened. I got pregnant after that. I was in my final semester in college during this time. My boyfriend ask me to abort, and I went to a clinic for an abortion. I am a killer.

Throughout this, I shamelessly still go to church. First because of my parents and siblings. I know God knows everything, how dirty I am, how I live full of sin. I feel remorse and repent, seeking forgiveness. But I still participate in sexual immorality after that. I can't forgive myself.

Five years after that, we got engaged but broke up after six years in that relationship. I felt very disappointed and rejected. In wanting some acceptance, I had sex with a stranger I didn’t love. This happened repeatedly, there was no commitment, only wanting pleasure. I was turning my back on Jesus. I stopped praying, I wasn’t going to church, I didn’t want to be a part of a Christian community.

One night, a little spark in my heart wanted me to pray and come to God. I closed my eyes, and said “Jesus…” and then I cried. I prayed and decide I want to be Jesus' disciple again. I realised that until now, I had never put God first in everything I do. I had allowed my flesh to overrule my spirit. I had allowed my body to be used in a way that does not honour God. I took God's love for granted. I had never fully submitted to God.

After this, I began to put God first in everything. I prayed and asked for a good husband, a man who fears God, doesn’t smoke, has an active and sporty lifestyle. Thank God, he answered my prayer, despite me being a murderer and sexual sinner in my past. God gave me a husband exactly as I prayed for and I believe it was his will. How wonderful it is. God is real. His love is amazing. I love Jesus.

Through this marriage and prayers to break the bondage of sin, I am completely reborn as a new person. One of the reasons I decided to take this class with Cherlene was a result of the total transformation of my life. Because of this this class I now have the courage to share who I am, and all the things that have impacted me. I want to help young people, especially women, so that they do better than me, and make wiser choices in life. I want to help them love God more, and be aware of the devil’s temptations and schemes, thanks to the Holy Spirit.

Thank you Jesus, for setting me free from sexual sin.

Thank you Jesus for his mercy and grace. I am forever grateful for what He has done in my life.

Thanks again Dr. Cherlene.

God bless you and your family.

Lena